Kristin and her model-worthy employees (and of course, Jay), are back for season 2 of Very Cavallari. Plus a llama and a hen/rooster named Blooms. Fun fact: when a hen doesn’t lay eggs and also crows, she might be a he.
We’re going with a different format this season, since we don’t know how long this season will be. If any previous reality “rut” has taught us, season 1 is brief and season 2 will stretch on for an entire eternity. So we’ll update as we go, and see if this post outlasts human civilization.
A: I can’t recall whose idea it was to watch this show
First, I think we all spent more time than necessary speculating what the deal was with redheaded social media slacker Shannon Ford. She wasn’t in the previews, she seemed to be trying to actively lose her job at every turn, and I’d imagine Kristin was persuaded to put off firing her until the cameras returned because if it was me, I’d have sacked her a looooong time ago.
We were treated mostly to the new home life for Kristin and Jay, with the aforementioned animal menagerie, and didn’t spend too much time with the Uncommon James crew, aside from Shannon unsatisfyingly getting fired. Brooke, fill us in on how you felt the sacking went, and how you think the rest of the new crew will handle the UJ atmosphere.
B: I’ll cop to the fact that this one is probably on me. As I recall, you told me about VCav, I said “WE’RE WATCHING.” You said, “No.” Laughed at the sad face I made and came around to, “Fiiiiiiine.” Or something along those lines. And you know what, you’re welcome, because Kristin is still the best and we now know that Jay Cutler is hilarious.
Now for the firing. My girl did me proud. We’ve floated the theory before that with
This was probably my second favorite firing in all of the reality shows we’ve watched. First is still Heidi getting fired, of course. And can I just say, the delivery from Kristin was as on-brand as ordering oysters and forcing her bestie who doesn’t like them to eat two of them
Speaking of which, AM, there’s one other thing we need to talk about coming out of week one. Kelly’s love life. She’s still on the market and Kristin and Jay are still full of opinions.
A: Kelly being single and doing the dating thing will clearly be a story thread this season, now that The Canadian is out of the way as a viable option. As much as it’d be nice to have her meet a good dude, I’m not-so-secretly hoping she meets some dozos so we can hear Kristin and Jay’s commentary. And how else are we going to learn that as soon as JKav got semi-serious, that Jay changed his phone number to avoid his presumably numerous female admirers? If that’s not the most celebrity dating thing I’ve ever heard, I don’t know what is.
I think we’ve gone as far as we can off of one ep, we’ll be back for more episodes soon!
A: We’ll group these, because overall two things are happening: Uncommon James is having some serious shipping issues, and everyone wants to be a part of the Kelly love-life train.
First: Palm Springs!! Kristin and her team of stylists, photographers, and Kelly are in the desert city for the ep, shooting some racy Uncommon James promo pics. Jay’s at home, but everyone can’t stop talking about Kelly’s love life. It comes out that Kelly was engaged to a sports guy in Jay’s friend group, but he cheated. A lot. And the marriage never happened. Understandably, Kelly’s gun-shy about relationships, but the entire group is pushing for her to get herself back out there. Theme of the season, I believe.
Now, let’s talk shipping. For an online company that Jay and Kristin started in their house, you’d expect a slick shipping enterprise. But that’s not happening. There’s co-heads of shipping, for one thing. And neither really knows how to run an online shipping company.
Brooke, what’s your take on their disorganized fulfillment operation? Who would you get rid of? Was bringing back Kaylee the right move? And what are we going to do about Mean Girls Colby and Matt? Also: how great is Jay’s new org chart?
B: I’m with Jay on this one. Kristin should fire everyone, but especially Matt. But also everyone? How hard is it not to ship an empty box??? Three question marks might seem dramatic, but I stand by that, because how does a box full of air happen once? Much less multiple times a week? Shut it all down.
To that end, bringing back Kaylee was absolutely the right call. Kaylee knows how to do her job, and based on everything else we’ve seen, that’s not true of everyone at UJ. Colby gets a pass because she’s the first minion Kristin hired, and Brittainy is more or less saving everyone else’s skin by absorbing and solving their problems. HOWEVER, she needs to learn to do that BEFORE she tells Kristin what’s up. Here’s the script. “Hey K, bet you looked hot in those promo pics, how’s the desert? Cool, cool. Listen, there was X problem, but YO, I solved it.”
I assume Kaylee is here to be to VCav what Kristin was to Laguna Beach — a jolt to the standard order of the primary clique — but I think Colby will prove to be the Lo. The meanest of the accepted squad and the most likely to stir up drama.
Jay’s org chart is something I think every organization should have. If I have one wish for the rest of this season, it’s more of Jay empowering Kristin to be a cut-and-dried boss when everyone else is acting like she’s mean for firing people who are bad at their jobs.
AM, let’s talk a bit about Kristin’s emotional return to Laguna. I didn’t know the background, but you did, and it was a turn on this show to see our girl get so vulnerable.
A: We’re used to Kristin being cool, even when she’s losing her cool. But her return to Laguna was the first time she’d been back since her brother’s funeral, so you can guess why she’s less cool here. It’s not explicitly stated what happened, but it appears that drugs were involved and it was the end of a long struggle with addiction and mental illness. It’s tough to see anyone lose a family member, but when they’re usually as invulnerable as Kristin, it’s even more of a shock.
Speaking of vulnerable, we’re setting up that Jay is in a bad spot because, well, he has nothing to do. Sure, he’s got a house and farm and 3 kids and lots of stick picking up to do, but without football, he’s a bit adrift. Still the comedy relief we didn’t know we needed, but adrift nonetheless.
Ed Note: due to a lengthy vacation (don’t feel sorry for us), we missed 2 episodes that set up Jay and Kristin hashing it out, a blind date for Kelly, and the set up of the falling out of Brittainy and Regan ONCE AND FOR ALL.
A: As mentioned, the tension between Jay and KCav heats up as Kristin’s gang heads to Cabo, where we get both the final reckoning between our star couple as well as the hilarity of a drunk Kristin hanging out with her actual friends, not the Uncommon James crew. Kristin’s point to Jay is this: I supported you and put my life on hold while you played in the NFL; now it’s my turn and you need to be more supportive. Stop giving the girl a hard time, Jay! She’s earning allllll the money. It was one of the more honest conversations one can have on a reality TV show, but I think the point got across.
Brooke, what did you think of the conversation on the boat between Kristin and Jay? What about the other emotional moments involving various babies?
B: I was very there for the Kristin and Jay boat chat. Kristin’s greatest strength in a life lived on screen (at least in fits and starts) has always been that she’s the girl who knows the score and keeps cool. But this is her husband and her brainchild of a business, not an on-screen feud with people she doesn’t actually have a care for — and that would be enough to shake some people. Not Kristin. Just like your girl loves a blazer, she also loves real talk. And she’s confident enough in what she has with Jay to tell him what she needs. And even though these two are at their most hilarious (and arguably in love) when they’re mean to each other, Jay came through with a sweet and humble reaction. That moment earlier in the season when he sensed she was putting on a brave face about her brother’s death and followed her into a closet with a well-timed hug was as real and intuitive as it gets, and so was this. It’s nice to see that the couple that revels in calling each other “gameless,” also has each other’s back.
As for the other real-talk moments, I’m less impressed. Let’s just say there’s not much there, there when Regan blows up at Brittainy and even less when Britt’s desperate boyfriend kinda jokingly floats getting married as she’s in the middle of a work meltdown. Britt — this guy can’t recognize that you’re on your own path, so he’s desperately trying to make it all about him. Cut bait and get out. And Regan? This is a She-Pratt level camera grab with a poor plot. If you’re going to cook up some drama, at least make it good.
AM, let’s talk about what looks to be a big new thread in season three: Cuts.
A: Before we get to Cuts, is Brittainy’s boyfriend’s “failed proposal” the worst fake failed proposal of all time? I just don’t buy that he was going to pop the question after starting yet another fight with her about how she works too much. These two have never been able to have realistic big conversations onscreen, but they also have the bad made-for-TV habit of tossing out big decisions like they mean nothing. “Oh, I’m working too much? WHY DON’T WE JUST HAVE A BABY?” That’s not real.
Now to the new theme of the show: Jay builds his own butcher shop! For much of the show, Jay’s been a retired NFL’er with almost nothing to do (you know, besides raising 3 kids, starting a Tennessee farm and being Kristin’s support system). But now, he’s starting to circle around the idea of being in the meat business. And as they’re looking at an available retail location, Kristin busts out the best name ever: Cuts. I bet she’s a bit mad she didn’t come up with something as awesome for her own business, even though I think Uncommon James hits the right mark.
Will Jay go through with the butcher shop? Will he fulfill his promise to be more present? Will Kristin’s BFF Kelly go through with her plan to freeze her eggs? How will the UJ team evolve? All questions for season 3, but Brooke, tell me your predictions… now.
B: I think Jay is absolutely going to go through with the butcher shop. And I truly hope we get to watch him sort out his org chart. I also can’t wait for him to want to decorate the place with camo and Kristin to shut that down. I tend to think this development will mean he’s actually less present, but perhaps more understanding of Kristin’s plight. Kelly will freeze her eggs, but will also get preg in the process — not as a medical error, but as a result of some kind of a fling. Don’t ask me how, it’s just canon now. It probably has something to do with going to Mexico with Kristin.
As far as those youths at UJ, I think they’ll stay largely useless and vastly less interesting than Kristin was at their age. But here’s hoping another one of them tries to interrupt Kristin whilst she is firing them. That’s the content we all need.
Next time: Annemarie agrees to watch an A24 horror movie. She’s not thrilled about it.
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- Required Viewing: Addams Family Values - February 7, 2019
- We Discuss Things #26: You Know What?!? YOU’RE GOPHER. - January 23, 2019
- Required Viewing: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them - January 16, 2019
- Butter Covered Train Wreck™ - November 23, 2018
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