It’s Oscar night, and we have things to say. As usual. Scroll down for our real-ish-time thoughts on the Oscars 2017 edition.
About Annemarie Moody MillerWe Write Things Co-Scribbler-in-Chief. Wordsmith. Globetrotter. Shark Enthusiast. Denver Native. I like to write and read all the things.
- Required Viewing: Zodiac - April 13, 2017
- Required Viewing: The Sound of Music - April 7, 2017
- Required Viewing: Mary Poppins - March 27, 2017
- Special 20th Anniversary Required Viewing: Buffy the Vampire Slayer - March 23, 2017
- Required Viewing: The Hills, Season 3 Part 3 - March 14, 2017
- Required Viewing: The Return of the King - March 10, 2017
- Required Viewing: The Two Towers - March 3, 2017
- The Bespoke Travelers: Dubrovnik, Croatia - March 2, 2017
- We Liveblog Things: Oscars 2017 - February 26, 2017
- Required Viewing: The Fellowship of the Ring - February 23, 2017
That was not the ending we expected. But hey, we got one surprise!!
What a nutty ending. And with that, my battery is out! GOODNIGHT!
Warren didn’t mess up, the envelope person messed it up!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
La La Land may be a love letter to Hollywood and therefore super incestuous but it’s uplifting and we need uplifting now.
HURRY UP AND NAME THE WINNER MY COMPUTER IS AT 5%
But making a good point.
Warren Beatty is … old.
Seriously, do Matt and Jimmy really hate each other? I can’t tell.
We were in on the La La Land bandwagon thing so early.
ICYMI: we talked to Emma before she was an Academy Award winner: http://wewritethings.co/2016/11/07/scene-emma-stone-damien-chazelle-talk-la-la-land/
What are the odds that Leo is hitting on Emma right now backstage?
OMG CHRISSY TEIGEN IS LEGIT ASLEEP.
He drifts in and out of the Top 5 but ultimately he’s my first celeb crush always and forever.
I’m still swooning so hard for Leo.
Thanks internet, it’s his son!
Either Casey is stoned out of his gourd like Matt and Trey were during their Oscar foray, or he’s just not that emotive of a person IRL.
I really wanted Viggo to win so he could explain who his impressive haired friend is.
From Justin: It’s kind of amazing that from the three main dudes from Good Will Hunting, Casey is the only one with an acting Oscar.
I’m obsessed with the amount of crystals and glitter here. I think my house needs a redecorate.
Yeah Brie Larson. Just being Brie Larson.
I CAN’T DO THINGS ANYMORE.
THANK GOODNESS DAMIEN IS 5 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. I CAN STILL DO THINGS
32. Well, I’m only like a year older than him. But still. I’ve never been nominated. YET.
We need that sweet, sweet book / movie / TV deal.
The only solution is to quit work and only watch movies/TV.
I don’t think we realistically can work all day Friday, watch a 5-hour extended edition version of Return of the King and THEN watch Moonlight. I might legitimately die.
LoTR + Moonlight double feature?
Taraji P Henson demanding a donut from Octavia Spencer is all of us when there are donuts.
Yeah, but I want to put it even farther up. I know we can’t disrupt the LoTR watching at the moment, but SOON.
Didn’t you put it at the top after Mahershala won?
We have to move Moonlight up farther on The List.
GET IT BARRY JENKINS
What an unreasonably good category adapted screenplay is this year.
But is “original” what wins awards? I mean, it should… but it probably doesn’t.
And I’m mad all over again that Amy Adams didn’t get a nom for Arrival.
To be clear, The Lobster was by far the most ORIGINAL screenplay of the bunch
I’m going to have to start yelling at you to write down things *I* say pretty soon as my battery is at 13%…
Annnnnd there’s the consolation prize for Manchester not winning director or picture.
Matt & Ben make me feel old. They’re a-going grey!
Jimmy roasting Matt is still really funny.
I honestly could not think about anyone but Leo in Titanic.
Confession: I really do crush on Bill Paxton in Titanic just a bit. That baggy old man sweatshirt and the shaggy hair speak to me of the heartthrobs of my youth.
Apparently the media machine that is the Oscars couldn’t edit the montage. But we got a sweet Carrie Fisher moment.
So Bill Paxton def gets the Jen Aniston shout-out but will he get a montage shout-out?
YAS TO THE GUY’S MOM WHO LET HIM QUIT SPORTS AND DO THE MUSICAL!
Also, Lin-Manuel will have to wait on his PEGOT.
The fact that there are no Oscar nods for any Wilderpeople is a TRAVESTY.
It is a DAMN CRIME that Trifecta/Happy Brithday Ricky Baker was not nominated in this category.
People assume score = songs, so I wouldn’t necessarily disagree if I had actually seen Moonlight…
Listen. MOONLIGHT should have won. And you know I love me some La La Land musics.
I mean, La La Land has to win Best Score, right?
YAY PIT BAND!
These UC Health commercials are trying pretty hard to make us weep.
Ben & Matt are back on the Oscar stage tonight which reminds me that they still owe us a follow-up to Good Will Hunting.
Ditto the Emma version.
Okay, I fully recognize that this John Legend vocal is better than what Ryan brought to the table, but …. I still want the Ryan version.
I love John Legend BUT I want the Emma and Ryan versions of these songs.
Still laugh snorting about Tilda and the dog
YES MEAN TWEETS! My favorite is Tilda Swinton and the dog.
Oh Meryl, you are a queen. preach
I like the combo of Leslie Mann and John Cho hosting the Science Awards but now I am kind of curious what John Cho is up to these days.
How many of these rushed folks say “I HAVE TO HURRY” and waste like 7 seconds of their allotted 25 seconds?
I saw a tweet recently that said something along the lines of “You can either be younger or more talented and better at life than me. Pick one.” Sorry internet, no attribution because I’m lazy. But I’m reminded of that when you just said that the girl who voiced Moana is 16 and also Damien Chazelle is legit 27 years old. GAH.
HECK YEAH WHITE HELMETS!
Hulu is at home like, why didn’t the Academy invite me to the party?
Netflix and Amazon are here to play now.
WHY DOES WILL SMITH HAVE A SWARD?
This kid is my hero. He’s adorable and also requesting Mike & Ike’s whilst being hoisted by Jimmy, sorry James.
Sunny from Lion makes me want a child. And that’s a sentence I’ve never uttered before.
I also greatly enjoy when they accidentally show lethargic clappers.
I don’t want to tell John Gilbert how to do his job, but he possibly should have edited more out of Fellowship of the Ring, just to quash Jackson’s movie bloat habit early on in the Tolkien period.
That’s the BEST entrance I’ve ever seen. IN A DELOREAN!
“Mmmm it never gets old to win Oscars and also I need a new wallet to fit all of the money I keep making.”
And re: Vader, very few things are better than Vader being badass.
Nice humble brag, bro
Meh, I was never a fan of the OG Jungle Book, so I can’t get too excited about the live action version that I never saw. The effects DO look amazing but are they better than Darth Vader being all baddass?
Gary and Jackie won the internet for the next week.
Okay, that was a really good bit. i hope Gary and co post the videos they took so we can see the celeb reactions.
That was legitimately an awesome bit.
Gary and Jackie cannot be real. I love them.
I WANT RYAN GOSLING TO GIVE ME JUNIOR MINTS.
I am still rather shocked that tonight’s win for Beasts for that other category was the first Harry Potter win EVER. How is that even possible?
I love La La Land, but I’d rather Fantastic Beasts have taken that award home. The textures of magical 20s New York were too real.
I greatly liked “How to Be Single” but I do not care for the 50 Shades series so right now, I kind of can’t with Dakota. Plus that dress. Thumbs down.
*Hear accent* Suddenly so much more into Jamie Dornan
Pixar was just showing off with “Piper” but OMG it was so cool and adorable.
Oh. That’s why Sting is here.
I was not aware that Shirley MacLaine was a strong proponent of reincarnation. Makes me like her even more.
Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer should host something sometime.
And of course, looking fucking flawless per the usual.
Viola just making everyone cry all over the place.
VIOLA FOR WINNER OF ALL THE LEAD THINGS OF ALL TIME.
I mean, I’m kind of not mad that she made herself cry with her acting abilities but also… c’mon.
Michelle Williams back at it again, showing up for 10 minutes to break your heart into a million pieces.
AM is throwing some serious shade at Nicole Kidman right now. I think they might have beef.
Viola was absolutely FLAWLESS in this role, but if I’m real — it was no supporting turn, she was the star of that movie.
Still bullshit. Viola is clearly a lead here.
Addendum on the earlier comment on black actresses, that was only for the LEAD actress not SUPPORTING actress category…
Vince, I love that you called Jimmy “James” but push your glasses up.
How many billions of crystals do they have on this stage?
We’re discussing whether Bill Paxton (who died today) will make the In Memorium montage.
Andrew Garfield has been digging into the Red Vines.
So glad about that ARRIVAL sound win.
On my earlier comment on behind-the-scenes folks, I enjoy it even more when they’re not American and they are super charming and flustered and I feel like when I win an Oscar I’ll have a fake British accent and I’ll be embarrassed about it later.
How much did Red Vines and Junior Mints pay to be the featured candies?
I kind of liked this bit better when Ellen got everyone pizza.
Seems like they’re taking this oscarssowhite thing sort of seriously.
Vince Vaughn and Sting? Is this 1997?
I haven’t seen “Moana” either which is shocking because I do love Disney princess movies.
Dwayne can sing. I’m impressed.
Oh Jimmy, honey, you’re not halfway through this broadcast.
I’ve actually seen a feature documentary! The 30 for 30 doc on The Simpsons was soooo good.
Taraji’s sparkling skin tho…
I’m not tearing up at this appearance by Katherine Johnson at all (that’s a lie).
Taraji’s necklace tho … *heart eyes*
FLAWLESS TIMES 3
Wait, you can go diving with a Rolex? I don’t think I’d take a $30,000 watch under any water.
If I was nominated for an Oscar I would prepare a speech. And probably give it at the after party whether I won or not.
I love these non-actor categories with the behind-the-scenes people because they’re so charmingly lost.
UGH. I WANT ALL THE CLOTHES IN FANTASTIC BEASTS
Um, you can’t usher off the guy paying tribute to his DEAD WIFE.
Heck yeah immigrants! We love you.
Why are there only 3 nominees for Best Makeup? Doesn’t every movie have makeup?
Also, this is the category that undoes every Oscar ballot.
Add Kate McKinnon to the list of people who should host everything for ever.
We’re debating whether Lin-Manuel Miranda will get his PEGOT tonight or whether he’ll have to wait for when the inevitable “Hamilton” film cleans up the Oscars.
It’s weird to me when actors play the character they’re known for in a commercial.
Ok, we need to watch Moonlight ASAP. TOP OF THE LIST.
More Mahershala Ali in everything.
Do what your grandma would have wanted. Absolutely.
Yay! One I’ve seen! Michael Shannon is legit too.
Awwww, Dev brought his mom.
Erm, actually I haven’t seen any of these so far…
Annemarie has seen like, two of these movies.
Does Jeff Bridges always sound gruff in everything?
Can I have Alicia Vikander’s accent please?
OHHHHHH GET IT.
This isn’t Ali.
I LOVE MONTAGES.
MAHERSHALA ALI TIME
I’m now almost part of the cool-kids club that loves Lord of the Rings.
Awwww, look at AM making LoTR references.
Ugh I do not know. But I want to go to there. Maybe you just show up on the day of wearing a fab gown?
Real question. What do I have to do to be an Oscars seat-filler?
Who is the long-haired dude next to Aragorn?
Jimmy roasting Matt Damon is still my favorite thing even though I don’t know if they’re legitimately mad at each other?
Same. Or at least James Corden.
I mean, Jimmy’s all right I’m sure but I’m still rooting for Team Amy & Tina to host and rule everything ever.
Is Tom Hardy going to be here? Asking for a friend who is me.
I have an opinion about this opening act. on board. Especially for Isabelle Huppert headbobbing behind Jeff Bridges.
Justin Timberlake is legit talented and also this song is catchy. notmad
I don’t know if we’re going to comment on the commercials, but I have an opinion about drinkable yogurt. PASS.
Ahhh brother. I do so love JT.
WHO IS OUR GIRL EMMA STONE WITH?
And back to Damien Chazelle, he’s the sweetest.
Brooke is just now realizing that I’ve been posting and eating and stealing her quotes.
We had to take a break to eat pizza, but I’m back to say Michelle WIlliams + Busey Phillips = Dawson’s Creek reunion.
OMG DAWSON’S CREEK REUNION!
So if 1970s fashion wasn’t flattering, we shouldn’t bring it back. Sorry Dakota.
Brooke is still eating so I’ll say what she just said. If Damien does a Neil Armstrong biopic with Ryan Gosling, the campaign for goscar begins now.
WE TOTALLY MET DAMIEN CHAZELLE.
We’re taking a pizza and cheese plate break. My favorite part of watching Hollywood things (movies and award shows) is stuffing my face with carbs whilst we watch people who haven’t touched a carb in at least 20 years.
I read something this weekend about how the Oscar red carpet color is a giant secret and it’s guarded 24/7 so I’m wondering if part of the deal is some designers know the color exactly and can match the dress color to both the carpet and the actress?
Ryan Gosling and Kate McKinnon on the screen at the same time?! My delight is so real.
Yeah the speeches are about to get political tonight and I’m pretty stoked.
Michael Strahan is wearing a velvet tuxedo and this will only add to Justin’s desire to own a velvet suit. notmad
But back to Viola, I’m stoked for her speech later. She’s the surest winner tonight if you ask me.
Viola will be added to the list because I said “Pretty much everyone so far.” 😀
MICHAEL J. FOX! I’m so happy he’s here. I’m super impressed that he’s still dominating Parkinson’s as well as he is.
And Kirsten Dunst. She looks fierce.
Add Viola Davis to the list
We can just put a list together of just everyone who looks flawless. So far, pretty much everyone.
Per Nicole’s flawlessness: Money.
Also, also. Hidden Figures is such a great story that I wish the world had told me before 2016.
Also, Brie Larson with the Veronica Lake hair again!!!
So, I might be as pale as Nicole Kidman, and I definitely would look like a ghost in that color dress she’s rocking. What wizardry is this?!
I find it upsetting that Halle Berry is the only black woman to ever win a best acting Oscar.
That’s the beauty of live blogging, I suppose. FAST OPINIONS!!
I mean. This isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact. But Mahershala Ali looks almost too good. I know he was talking to Robin Roberts a while ago now, but I tried to get fancy and add a gif here for a good few minutes before I gave that up as a bad job that would kill the spur of the moment nature of this thing.
That was about Justin Timberlake and Halle Berry, respectively.
JK I am saying things to the TV like “Wow I like his suit” and “She looks better with short hair but her skin is FLAWLESS” so maybe I do care.
You know what I don’t know much about? The red carpet fashion. I don’t really care that much aside from pointing to ones I like… so we’re in a holding pattern for the moment on opinions…
Are we live? IS ANYONE THERE?
*taps invisible microphone* Is this thing on?