The fallout from RumorGate 2007 continues on, as we continue on in our quest to eventually at some point finish season 3 of The Hills. Brooke, lead us in. Do we have any new information at the halfway to the midpoint of the season? We’ll also have to discuss in depth my favorite episode of the group we watched for Season 3, Part 2 — which might be my favorite of the series as a whole. Let’s dig in!

The Hills

B: I’m sure we’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating. I love our Hills watch sessions, but even minutes after they conclude, I could not, for the life of me tell you definitively what happened in which episode, or how many we watched. This time out, we went into a vortex and watched eight more episodes. I think that puts us at 16, and I think that means that we have 12 left? I still cannot imagine what Lauren is going to do for the rest of the season — I was correct in thinking the chemistry she shares with Brody would become a “thing” in the eyes of the producers, and I think this will continue. But that was a pretty minor plot in the episodes we watched. The biggest story, perhaps, was that the Audrina-Justin Bobby hang thing continued. She was dead serious a lot. She was so done a lot. She got nagged by Lauren a lot. She finally came to her senses, for now. But, none of that was particularly good, some of it was darkly amusing, but the good stuff happened elsewhere.

The best arc was the “Heidi is getting BURNED … a lot trend.” First, our beloved Elodie set up an epic, epic, epic “fuck you” of a departure by telling everyone but Heidi that she quit and then agreeing to cover Heidi’s event on a night when she (Elodie) knew damn well that she would not be employed by Bolthouse anymore. Evidently universally reviled, Heidi was none the wiser until she was interrupted at her anniversary dinner with Spencer by a panicked call from work. Needless to say, the job-stealer had to split and we were treated to the first of several scenes that revolved around Spencer being devastated (and somehow surprised) that Heidi actually has to work sometimes. I  believe that your favorite moment also occurred in the Heidi burn unit and involved your beloved LC, so I’ll let you recap that glory in loving detail.

However, before I turn over the reins, I will say that we MUST talk about Lauren’s boring date, Whitney’s presentation and how many clothes these girls took to Vegas for their quick trip. But first, tell us about Lauren’s shining moment.

The Hills

A: I presume you’re speaking of the apology get-together between LC and Heidi? That’s a favorite moment, but it actually doesn’t play a part in my favorite episode. That honor goes to The One Where Elodie Screws Over Heidi, hands down. You recapped it so very well, and I believe this watching was the first time I realized how much all of Heidi’s coworkers must have all hated her (or simply didn’t care to talk to her, like ever) if she truly didn’t know Elodie was leaving. In a normal work situation, even if you don’t like certain people, it’s still a thing that everyone knows about. It’d be pretty hard to not hear about it, as a matter of fact. So that makes it feel like the producers had a hand in keeping Heidi in the dark, because I genuinely believe she was surprised to hear that Elodie had jetted and she had to bail on the anniversary dinner at Don Antonio’s.

It’s also pretty comic that Spencer kept planning “surprise make-up” anniversary dinners when, hello? Heidi has to work, and actually it seems she’s putting in quite a few hours directly due to the promotion she stole from Elodie. Buyer’s remorse, Spence?

Ok, back to the apology. After running into each other (conveniently, thanks producers) at a Rock the Vote youth-empowerment-type event (also, this seems the type of event our Laguna pal Trey would have totally wanted to be a part of) and LC refuses to engage with Heidi unless she apologizes, Heidi presses the issue and gets a house apology date with LC. Of course, there’s the infamous “The only thing left to do is forgive and forget. I want to forgive you, and I want to forget you” line, which is likely the best burn LC has ever laid on someone. Let’s enjoy the GIF, shall we?

The HIlls

The conversation-ender lands like a champ and it’s even better when you notice that LC unceremoniously drops the yellow roses on the counter with a disgusted wrinkle of her nose. Rest assured, this won’t be the last time these two women talk about what happened, but for now, this is as final of a moment as you can get. Heidi is unwilling to admit to any wrongdoing, LC isn’t ok with how Spencer treated her and at this point, even if Heidi fessed up to everything, it’s doubtful that LC would want to resume their friendship.

Now, back to my favorite episode. It’s the “surprise” trip to celebrate Brody’s birthday in Las Vegas and it’s also the episode where Elodie serves her revenge pie cold. Here’s why this is my fave:

  1. I love that the girls fly with Justin Bobby and he refuses to talk to them. It’s comedy gold.
  2. I love that LC has a friend named Jill that they name once and never let talk, even though she’s the one who buys JB the “peace offering” shot at the restaurant.
  3. I love that Brody is wearing that monstrous cast on his hand and arm that by the way, was a direct result of LC playing tag football with them on the beach.
  4. I love that Lo and Frankie make out at the club!
  5. I love that Lo and LC pack a metric ton of going-out clothing between the two of them instead of, I don’t know, making those hard choices at home when packing.
  6. I love that Audrina gets sad and weepy at the fact that her friends don’t like her boyfriend. Why would they? He’s a dick to them.
  7. I love the afore-mentioned Elodie burn on Heidi’s life.
  8. I love that not even Brent told Heidi that Elodie was leaving.
  9. I love how fancy Spencer set up Don Antonio’s and how angry he is that Heidi must leave.
  10. I love that everything I love about this show (Drama! Meddling Producers! Elicit Club Smooches! Mad Spencer!) appear here in this one episode.

I talked a lot already, so I’ll kick it back to Brooke for a discussion of the big New York meeting and the Gavin the Boring Model date LC goes on.

The Hills

B: You know what’s really fascinating about your favorite episode? You’re the biggest LC fan I know, and she really has very, very little to do with the list above. She does, however, have quite a lot to do with the big New York meeting and her own boring date.

Let’s start with New York, shall we? Lisa Love sends Whit and Lauren to New York to make a big presentation about the Young Hollywood party to Amy Astley and a bunch of New York Teen Vogue cronies. But, because producers, the second they get there Lauren is whisked away to Marc Jacobs. The pitch sounds like she just gets to hang out at his spot, cause they know she loves his work, but, when she arrives downtown (on a very tight and totally real, I’m sure) deadline, she’s immediately put to work there. Mr. Jacobs swoops in and bids her a quick hello before disappearing again.

Meanwhile, Whit is back at Teen Vogue doing the presentation solo, she hasn’t practiced, and frankly, doesn’t do a very good job. I’m a Whitney fan, but girl needs to get her act together. This is 2007 and she goes purely analog, no digital components whatsoever — sister, PowerPoint and Keynote are terrible, but they are not even remotely new programs either. She stumbles over questions and loses her train of thought. To be fair, some of the cronies do cut her off mid-stream, which will mess with your rhythm, but sporting a full on party dress and grasping for answers isn’t a great look. Still, Amy Astley gave her snaps, and minus a minor snafu where everything almost started without Hillary Duff in the crowd, the party itself also seemed to go over well.

Somewhere between the sick burns and the hobnobbing at the Young Hollywood party, Lauren meets a nice model named Gavin at a shoot and agrees to go on a date with him. He first shows up to the beach where Brody and Company size him up — Brody’s quick to dismiss him as not Lauren’s type, but Lauren asserts again that they don’t get jealous of each other. So, young Gavin passes the initial test and he and LC hit up a sushi spot for what looks like a perfectly nice evening. There’s a moment of minor outrage when Gavin orders a roll with salmon in spite of Lauren’s proclamations that she’s not much of a salmon girl. Still, he’s a far-sight better than Jason or Justin Bobby or any other bro who has courted the ladies. But, for all his knowledge of how to behave like a human on a date, he is dismissed for a lack of sparks. And Lauren, she runs off to call Brody.

Which brings us back to the question — are the producers still trying to make Lody happen? Or are these two just really into the friendly sleepovers like the ones Lauren had with Stephen in Cabo? Spill, Annemarie. Also, please discuss the arrival of Stephanie. I’m not sure I can handle another Pratt in my world.

The Hills

A: Whitney was certainly dressed for an evening meeting, not a day meeting. I loved the strapless dress on her, but totes inappropriate for a big corporate meeting. Lauren was wearing something classy, elegant and had prepared for the meeting by knowing exactly what she’d wear to an Amy Astley-New York meeting months in advance. #props

So, Lody is a thing that literally everyone is trying to make happen except Brody and Lauren. Except they kind of seem to be truly dating? There’s more than one snuggle session that looks pretty cozy, albeit in a PG sort of way. I have read again and again that they weren’t really dating, did all of this for the cameras, blah blah, but I totally get why the producers would want to make it happen. They have great chemistry and do seem to genuinely be good friends, plus they’re both ridiculously good looking. I get it. And they certainly seem to have more going on than LC did with Gavin. I can’t imagine someone ordering salmon when I specifically said I wasn’t that into it! I tease, but honestly, those are the kinds of super nit-picky things that can torpedo an otherwise “good on paper” first date.

Now, back to Audrina and JB! If we’re to believe what’s going on, Justin Bobby kisses a girl (Audrina sees him do it!) at an adjacent table at a new club, Opera. Even though JB is designated as Audrina’s boyfriend in the title cards, I’ve never been clear if they were actually an exclusive couple, but even if they weren’t, kissing someone else while your sorta-girlfriend is sitting at the next table is in poor form. Audrina runs out of the club, yells at the girl and JB (although she yells at the girl more… dammit ladies, give the dude the fair share of the blame!) and is “done.” But she does get in a car with him, even though LC is waiting for her with Brody and Frankie. That’s cold, if it’s to be believed. I couldn’t quite see the actual kiss in the aforementioned club scene, but either Audrina is imagining things or it did happen. Or she was drunk. That’s a good third option. I miss drunk Lauren in these scenarios.

There’s a she-Pratt! Stephanie makes her debut by waltzing into Speidi’s apartment, pretending she’s somehow never seen it even though she and Heidi are SUCH good friends, then conveniently being on camera to yell at LC for hurting poor Heidi so. LC gets to be like, why are you yelling at me when I have never talked shit? But my favorite part of the encounter is that Stephanie tries to get Brody to come with her and to stop “fraternizing with the enemy.” Actually, Steph doesn’t seem the type to use the word “fraternizing,” but I do, so I will. This also has the distinct smell of the producers on this, but like we’ve said before, I do genuinely believe LC’s reactions in a lot of these situations. Either she’s the world’s greatest actress, or she genuinely didn’t know that random She-Pratts are going to show up and start yelling at her to stop being mean to Heidi. Such rich drama can be mined by surprising LC, it’s no wonder it was so lucrative for so long.

I believe it’s time again to wrap up, so Brooke, if you have any further thoughts, let’s have them, otherwise we’ll stop. For now.

The Hills

B: Let’s call it quits … for now.

 


 

We’re going to be making a slight departure from our usual rotation between Brooke’s picks and Annemarie’s picks to spend some uninterrupted quality time in a very different fantasy land, Middle Earth. Annemarie’s decided she’s ready to take the plunge, and we’re going for full immersion. So break out the lembas bread, an epic journey awaits.

About Annemarie Moody Miller

We Write Things Co-Scribbler-in-Chief. Wordsmith. Globetrotter. Shark Enthusiast. Denver Native. I like to write and read all the things.

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